There was an error in this gadget

Friday, October 23, 2009

WHAT THIS COUNTRY REALLY NEEDS...




Thomas R. Marshall, Vice President under President Woodrow Wilson, was a colorful and witty man, slightly irreverent at times. Once, while presiding over the Senate, a Kansas Republican Senator by the name of Joseph L. Bristow was babbling on and on (as Senators often do) about a long list of things he felt the country needed at that moment. As Bristow droned on, Vice President Marshall leaned over to some nearby law clerks and said, in a voice just loud enough to carry across the Senate floor, "what this country needs is a really good five cent cigar," which caused the chamber to erupt into laughter. I'm not sure if Marshall or Bristow ever got all they wanted back then, but I do know there are a number of things this country sorely needs today, and I have listed a good many of them below.

How about:

* MILLIONS OF GOOD-PAYING NEW JOBS HERE TO REPLACE THE MILLIONS OF GOOD-PAYING JOBS WHICH WERE SHIPPED OVERSEAS OVER THE PAST 10 YEARS? *

A really good $15 box seat at a Major League Baseball game, and a big, delicious $2 hot dog once you're there (instead of the 3-5 times that price we're paying now)?

* Sarah Palin to get a new, better-looking hairstyle and go, along with her entire family, into a deep freeze?

* ALL OUR MEN AND WOMEN TO COME HOME FROM IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN?

* Saltine crackers that can be snapped, like they used to be able to be, without crumbling into fragments the moment you pick them up?

* COMPLETE HEALTH CARE COVERAGE FOR ALL CITIZENS AT A RATE THAT DOESN'T BANKRUPT THEM?

* The rich to get poorer, and the poor and middle class to get richer?


* Fox "News" to go out of business and off the air (or at least to stop distorting and exaggerating, and start telling the truth)?

* Gas at $2 per gallon where it belongs, and no higher?

* Al Qaeda, fundamentalist Muslims, and fundamentalist Christians to crawl out of the Dark Ages and into this 21st Century?

* Corporations to stop buying out individual Congresspersons?

* Republicans to grow a heart and stop thinking only of themselves and big business?

* Hour-long TV shows with only 10 minutes commercial time per hour (like it was many years ago)?

* DICK CHENEY GOING ON TRIAL FOR WAR CRIMES?

* An outstandingly tender and delicious $20 steak dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, and veggie or salad (and I'm not talking dried-out surloin, either!)?


* Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck all getting permanent laryngitis?

* Automobiles routinely averaging at least 50 mpg highway and 35 mpg city (and I'm not talking about little lightweight tin cans, either!)?

* An outstanding $2 bottle of beer?


I'm sure all the rest of you can mimic old Senator Bristow and come up with a number of other suggestions as to what this country needs right now. How about it, readers?

10 comments:

Infidel753 said...

* Sarah Palin to get a new, better-looking hairstyle and go, along with her entire family, into a deep freeze?

And be revived centuries later to terrorize the future, like those frozen prehistoric monsters were always doing in the present in the old horror movies? Maybe not.....

Marc McDonald said...

For unmanned drones to stop murdering people in remote Pakistan in our name. (Sure, the CIA claims the victims are "terrorists," but when has the CIA ever been right about ANYTHING in recent years).
Drone attacks are a cowardly way to kill people. Frankly, this is terrorism, not warfare.

TomCat said...

A really good $15 box seat at a Major League Baseball game, and a big, delicious $2 hot dog once you're there (instead of the 3-5 times that price we're paying now)?

I was in Yankee Stadium the day Roger Maris hit #61. It wasn't a box seat, but it was a good one, about 1/3 of the way between the plate and first base and about 1/4 the way up. The ticket cost $3.00. The hot dogs cost a quarter.

Ranch Chimp said...

I just loved the list!

TRUTH 101 said...

I always wondered who really made the 5 cent cigar comment Jack. Your knowlege and wisdom are impressive.

Continued success to you and your blog.

Jack Jodell said...

Infidel753,
Even if frozen and hermetically sealed, the Palins are way too reactionary and behind the times to be awakened in the future...maybe once time travel is perfected, we could send them back to an 1870s plains settlement where they belong...
---------------
Marc,
Great addition I overlooked. I'm with you, like usual, 100%.
---------------
TomCat,
What a lucky guy to be at that game seeing that fabulous team on that day, with such good seats, too! I had the pleasure of seeing the Yanks first in 1962 here in Minnesota at the old Metropolitan Stadium. Naturally, my Twins lost that day 6-3 or something like that. We had my uncle's box seat tickets inside of 3rd base 5 rows behind the Yankee dugout. Those tickets were $5, hot dogs were 25 cents, soda was 15 cents (as was popcorn and a game program). Yearbooks were only 50 cents. Ticket, concession, and parking prices for MLB games have skyrocketed since then, WELL above the rate of inflation. Hmmmm---I wonder if there's some kind of connection between health insurance and MLB for both of them to have Mars-launch-leaped their prices so high skyward? Maybe it's the antitrust exemption thing? I guess I'd favor ending the exemption for both of them.
---------------
Ranch Chimp,
Thanks for the visit and comment. Stop by again! :)

Jack Jodell said...

Thank you, Truth101. Please visit often, even if you disagree with something.

Infidel753 said...

the Palins are way too reactionary and behind the times to be awakened in the future...maybe once time travel is perfected, we could send them back to an 1870s plains settlement where they belong...

If you mean the 1870s BC in the plains of barbarous Old-Testament Palestine, I'm inclined to agree that that's where they'd best fit in.

Stimpson said...

I'd say the U.S. needs more educated citizens. It's the best inoculation against a phenomenon like Glenn Beck's popularity.

Gwendolyn H. Barry said...

Really great post Jack!
I guess I was in old Yankee stadium after TC, my ticket cost $6 and the hot dogs were like half a buck... 2 dogs and a coke, 1.50? You present a beautiful line up... I'd add: the return of the neighborhood banks - thrifts that reach out to small (I mean really small) business' to help them get off the ground with fair terms and the REGULATION of fees and such with the corp engulfer banks. I liked reading this one... as usual. Ta Jack!