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Thursday, December 16, 2010

SANTA'S BOZOS OF 2010





2008 WINNER: ROD BLAGOJEVICH
2009 WINNER: RICHARD HENNE
2010 WINNER: Keep reading...




Santa's been feeling a little queasy lately. With all the upheaval in American politics these days, it's left him kind of dumbfounded. First, the Wall Street bankers took the bailout money Santa had given them to shore up the economy and kept almost all of it for themselves. Then, the 2010 midterms have left him with a whole new flock of prospective Bozos and Bozettes to mull over. Still, the show must go on, so here is the list of THIS year's candidates for Santa's Bozo of the Year Award.

DISHONORABLE MENTION: The Wall Street bankers. As a result of the President's stimulus funding, many large Wall Street banks have piggishly added to their own bottom line rather than lending to smaller banks for the purpose of job creation. Bank of America, for one, has become 138% bigger almost overnight. No wonder they can now afford to bombard us with propagandistic TV ads about the credit card protection they offer or how they are supposedly helping small business get loans. Santa says "Bah, humbug!" to these lying morons. Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE) also caught Santa's notice when he voted recently against the recent Wall Street reform bill, as did Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) when he decided to hold up the government from voting on the extension of unemployment benefits earlier. That made all of these entities suitable for this award.


FOURTH PLACE FINISH goes to the tag-team tandem of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, both of whom campaigned for Tea Party candidates and urged Americans to begin a new revolution, this time voting AGAINST duly-voted in government officials. Both of these Bozettes even encouraged people to converge on Washington out of protest, as if they weren't already being represented - by their own representatives!

THIRD PLACE also goes to a pair of Bozettes, namely unsuccessful Senate candidates Christine O'Donnell and Sharron Angle. Santa had absolutely no trouble adding them to the list: One came out with a television ad claiming "I am not a witch", while the other made a ridiculous statement about constituents being so angry they would be understood if they began to practice their "Second Amendment solutions." And BOTH of these idiots thought they could skate to high political office while ignoring the press and not taking any direct questions! (Guess constituents exercised their "voting rights solutions" against THEM)!



SECOND PLACE for this year's award goes to that nefarious group known as the Blue Dog Democrats. This band of wimps, instead of standing up to conservative Republicans and behaving and voting like real Democrats, caved in all over the place and abandoned their President on one issue after another. As a result, Santa has awarded most of them with retirement from Congress!


RUNNER UP for the award this year goes to the entire Republican Congressional caucus for their collusion and treachery in obstructing and opposing every single aspect of the President's agenda all year long. They have repeatedly voted en masse against everything the President has pushed for, and in the process have circumvented the Senate's rules of filibuster into a weapon of mass obstruction. They have repeatedly held out for unnecessary tax cuts for the rich which add greatly to our deficit and don't do a thing to create jobs. They have held hostage very needed unemployment benefits for the many millions of out of work Americans; Americans who are out of work primarily because of economic policies THEY promoted during the past 10 years! Santa can only shake his head at the thought of more of these people coming to Congress early next year!

Which now brings us to this year's winner, and Santa's BOZETTE of 2010:
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THE "COLON LADY!" We have all seen this moronic woman on as she gets off of the the people-mover at an airport saying confidently "diarrhea-constipation-gas-loading - that's me!" As if ANYBODY IN THE WORLD would ever call themselves "the colon lady" or proudly and publicly admit to such a thing! Now, mind you, I'm not the least bit squeamish about these matters, but this one takes the cake! Another ad features her surrounded by several women when one of them, a REAL nerdy-looking BIMBO in ugly horned-rimmed glasses, presses forward to say "I love your work!" Well, I certainly don't, and neither does Santa. In fact, he has given the "colon lady" a full set of Ex-Lax disguised as candy bars for her to enjoy over the holidays, and he sincerely hopes the ad campaign team for Phillips Colon Health will immediately stop polluting our airwaves with this absolute nonsense!

Online, one person named "dchristie" has even commented 'Instead of people who take drugs being criminalized, shouldn't there be a law against people who run ads for Philips Colon Health?

I mean, they even have a character in the ads called The Colon Lady who is a crusader for 'colon health' with a clarion call against 'bad gas, constipation, bloating and diarrhea'. Their motto is 'I'm good to go'.

They run this annoying garbage all day with particular emphasis on a blitzkrieg campaign schedule at dinner time on every fucking network.

This is bloody fascism.

I feel like getting a machine gun.'


dChristie, so do I, but after all, it IS almost Christmas, so we'll both have to suck it in and bear it, like we do with Republicans...





Have a very Merry Christmas, everybody! Be sure to pray for and help the needy any way you can! The Republicans have given us far too many of them!

10 comments:

Beach Bum said...

What, Christine O'Donnell only got third place? Better hope she doesn't discover this and whip out her book of spells and satanic altar.

Jack Jodell said...

Beach Bum,
HA! If that happens, we'll just have to sic the Colon Lady on her! :-).

Cletis L. Stump said...

Jack, enough with the Colon Lady. Now, stop farting around and get back to work.

A new admirer, Cletis

Jack Jodell said...

WORK? Holy tomoly! Thanks for stopping by, Cletis, and don't worry---I'll be back to slamming those Republicans before you know it! :-)

Engineer of Knowledge said...

Hello Jack,
I was speaking with a good friend at breakfast last Sunday morning about how anyone could follow the likes of Sarah Palin. Palin proclaiming to be a national leader but did not know that North and South Korea were two separate countries or how they came about (I guess that whole Korean War just passed her by). Palin did not know that Africa was a continent and not a single country (Maybe too many Johnny Weissmuller “Tarzan” movies and did not get past the wishing she was Maureen O'Sullivan doing the “WILD THING” with Cheeta the Chimpanzee)!! Sarah could not even name what countries made up the Allied and Axis powers during WWII!?!?! (Makes one wonder if she has even turned on the “History Channel” but as we all know, Sarah reads all the magazines and news papers!!)

My very wise friend pointed out that those fawningly following Sarah…..Don’t know these history facts themselves!! A case of the ignorant and uneducated masses following an ignorant and uneducated leader. So is our political future to deal with in the U.S.

I did have a ray of hope yesterday. My wife and I along with her sister and son, met and went to the movies to see TRON together. I see my 33 year old nephew about 6 times a year and we were catching up on current events. (I like to hear what my nieces and nephews have to say on any subject so that they seek me out to discuss topics with wisdom.) Without any prompting or interjected influence from me, he said that he likes to watch both CNN and Fox News to get both viewpoint sides of a topic issue. I complemented his open mindedness to gather all the facts…(i.e. as I have posted “Drinking deeply of the Pierian Spring”).

He then passed on that his viewpoints slanted more towards CNN as being more accurate than Fox because he found Fox News to be very inaccurate with many of their facts.

With this statement I found new hope with the next generation stepping up to take the controlling reigns of our country. I could not have been more proud.

Jack Jodell said...

Engineer of Knowledge,
Your pride in your nephew is well-founded, but he should also be encouraged to watch MSNBC and Link TV as well for a really full-balanced setting.

Marc McDonald said...

Hi Jack, nice job, I enjoyed this article.
I have my own request of Santa this year. I've read how the GOP party elders are secretly horrified by the prospect of a Palin candidacy in 2012.
So dear Santa: please bring me the entertaining prospect of watching the GOP tear itself apart in its own "Night of the Long Knives."

Jack Jodell said...

Marc,
Thank you, my friend, and I'll gladly second that motion!

mud_rake said...

Ha! The Colon Lady indeed! Too funny, Jack, too funny.

Jack Jodell said...

mud_rake,
We can only hope she'll gag on her own words over the holidays...