QUESTIONS EVERY TEA-PARTY AND REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE MUST ANSWER!

OK, conservative Republicans and Tea Party activists who march lock-step with you: you are licking your chops in anticipation of taking control of the House and Senate in this year's mid-term elections. As of this writing, though, you have provided no specific answers or suggestions as to why you, and not the other party, are the ones best suited to shape the nation's policy and solve its many problems, especially those concerning the high number of unemployed we still have. If you really think you are capable of solving the great many problems we face, please PROVE this to us by answering, in specific detail, the questions posed to you below:

WHY DO YOU PRACTICE OBSTRUCTION AND COMPLETE NON-COOPERATION WITH THE PRESIDENT AND HIS PARTY? No person or group is right or wrong ALL the time. Why, then, do you persist in blocking or stalling virtually everything this President or his party has put forth for consideration? Why do you hate the President so much? He has extended himself to you far more than did his predecessor toward the Democrats. Why must everything be "my way or the highway" with you? Why do you choose to block legislation, or even shut the government down, rather than openly and HONESTLY discuss and give real consideration to proposals? Why won't you try to compromise and collectively forge new legislation? Is it because you are rigid, too doctrinaire, and put your own desires far in front of the overall public good, or what?

WHY DO YOU EXAGGERATE AND LIE SO MUCH? Why do you and your spokespersons (your party leaders, your PACS, your talk radio and Fox "News" hosts) make ridiculous statements such as the President is a socialist whose programs like the auto bailout are designed to have the government take over American business? GM, for example, is now free of government control and is once again issuing stock. At NO point did the government take control of GM's bank account, or put its board of directors on a controlled public payroll. How do you explain that? Why did you say the Obama health care plan is a government-run plan, when it isn't, and why did you say it would put the elderly in front of "death panels" that would encourage euthanasia? None of this was true. WHY DO YOU LIE SO MUCH?

WHY DO YOU PORTRAY YOURSELF AS THE PARTY OF RELIGION AND MORALITY? You hold no monopoly on morality, and some of your biggest advocates of "Christian values" are poor moral examples like "conservative" office holders David Vitter, John Ensign, or Mark Sanford, who either frequent prostitutes or conduct sordid extramarital affairs (sometimes even at taxpayer expense). Or former Representative Mark Foley, who sent repeated sexual emails to teenage pages? Jesus preached love and taking care of the poor. Why, then, do you preach hate (against immigrants, gays, and Muslims), and try to use the government to deny them certain rights? Why do you oppose and even cut funding for programs fwhich help the weak, poor, and needy? Are you Pharisee hypocrites, or do you simply think it is more important to aid only the rich and powerful with huge subsidies and unneeded tax cuts? What's that, you say? Churches and charities should be the ones tending to the needy, and not the government? Nice idea, but only the government has the scope or resources to properly do THAT job. And, since you have supported the export of American jobs and economic policies that favor only the rich, we have now reached the point where the middle class (the major supplier of funds for churches and charities) can no longer afford to fund these groups as they have in the past. Most importantly, though, God the Father and Jesus laid down voluntary-compliance laws for humans to live by. They never appointed ANYONE to be Moral Police to force others to comply. Why, then, have you taken this role on yourselves? Who do you think you are, anyway?

WHY DO YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT DEFICIT SPENDING ONLY WHEN THE DEMOCRATS ARE IN POWER? We hear you screaming about the national debt and our budget deficit non-stop these days, but only 5-8 years ago, when YOU had total control of the White House and Congress, you and President George W. Bush turned a $127 billion SURPLUS into a $455 billion DEFICIT. You did this by cutting taxes for billionaires who didn't need the extra money and by conducting an unnecessary and fraudulent unfunded war in Iraq using private, non-bid military contractors. Your own Vice President, Dick Cheney, said "deficits don't matter." If deficits didn't matter to you then when YOU were in power, why do they matter to you now when you're not in power? Is it because much of today's deficit is money being spent on people and jobs instead of going almost exclusively to millionaires and the military/industrial complex? Who do you think you're kidding?

WHY DO YOU KEEP CLAIMING TO BE "PRO-LIFE"? Opposing abortion but supporting the death penalty, as most of you do, is certainly not "pro-life". Supporting a pre-emptive war where hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians are killed (some even by mercenary contractors you funded) is not "pro-life." Forming and joining armed militias, as some of you have, for the sole purpose of someday killing agents of the government to "protect freedom", is hardly "pro-life." Supporting protection of an infant in the womb but opposing government aid for it once it is born is not a "pro-life" action; certainly not a pro-quality-of-life action! And, most of all, if you're REALLY opposed to abortion, why did you not outlaw it altogether during the early and mid-Bush years, we you had complete control of the legislative and executive branches of government, and de facto control of the Supreme Court and judicial branch? Could it be that you really don't care about abortion at all, and only want to use it as a political tool against Democrats?

WHY ARE YOU SO PARANOID? Why do you fear and distrust Muslims, African-Americans, Hispanics, Europeans, intellectuals, the poor - anybody who might be a bit different than you, or who may disagree with you on something? Why do you feel that members of the aforementioned groups must be kept "in check" and under control? Why don't you accept them or get to better know and understand them? Why do you lash out at those who disagree with you by calling them inflammatory names like "socialist", "communist", or "terrorist"? And why do you infer that your opponents aren't patriotic? Why is your party almost overwhelmingly white and affluent? Why are you so cynical about humankind? You trust the abstract "market" to always do the right thing and correct itself by itself, yet you don't trust government of the people and instead want to keep that government tiny, impotent, and ineffectual. Why? Is it because you, yourselves are untrustworthy? Why do you support pre-emptive, aggressive war, and want to dominate the entire world? Are you afraid of EVERYBODY?

WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT FURTHER TAX CUTS FOR THE WEALTHY WILL CREATE JOBS, GROW OUR ECONOMY, AND BALANCE OUR BUDGET?You claim you want to balance the budget, but you paradoxically support continuation of huge tax cuts for the very, very rich. You claim these tax cuts will lead to the creation of new industries and new high-paying jobs here. But such was not the case when you cut taxes for the rich last time under George W. Bush. Instead, millions of jobs were sent outside our borders (along with entire plants), and working wages here were frozen or CUT. Those were the biggest tax cuts in history, yet the Bush administration produced the LEAST number of jobs of any Presidency since Herbert Hoover! Where are the jobs THOSE tax cuts were going to produce? Why will it be different THIS time, and why should we believe you on THIS?

WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT THERE MUST BE LESS REGULATION OF BUSINESS AND FINANCE?Why, after lax mortgage, stock market, and finance regulation led to the Great Depression, $4 per gallon gasoline, and the mortgage banking collapse which plunged us into our current Great Recession, do you insist we need less regulation? Regulation did not cause these disasters, nor did it cause the recent devastating BP oil spill. Rather, it was LACK of enough or proper regulation that caused these tragedies! Much the same with the increasing incidences of lethal e-coli and salmonella outbreaks occurring in our beef, pork, poultry, and vegetables. You love to say government is the problem and not the solution, and that the free market will correct itself and correct its mistakes. But the government didn't cause these bad occurrences---greed (i.e. the "free market") did. So why do you keep calling for l;ess, rather than more, or better, government oversight for public safety?

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING YOU WANT TO "TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK"? Take it back from WHOM? The government of, by, and for the people? And who will you give it TO? The wealthy, powerful, and privileged? To Sharron Angle, who mistakenly thinks people have a right, guaranteed them by the Constitution, to shoot agents of our government when they aren't doing exactly what we want? To Sarah Palin, who doesn't even know past history, current events, or what a Vice President's job is? To Michele Bachmann, who thinks there are anti-American elements in Congress, and who believes the wealthy should be protected from the people instead of the other way around? To Rand Paul, who thinks that private busuinesses and organizations ought to be able to exclude whomever they want without outside interference? To multinational corporations, who care only for their own profit and nothing for this country or its inhabitants? Sorry, teabaggers and Republicans - it was YOU who stole this country away from the majority of the population, who are average working people.YOU stole it away and turned it over to big business and the military/industrial complex. Government regulation directed at those entities is the only recourse and protection from them the average person, the MAJORITY, has. To insist otherwise is CRAZY!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO SPECIFICALLY TO HELP PEOPLE WHO NEED HELP THE MOST? Will privatizing Medicare and Social Security make life better or more comfortable for our elderly? Of course not---life will become WORSE for most, and better only for the wealthy. Will ending welfare clean up our decaying cities, build and repair bridges, and raise the nation's standard of living? DEFINITELY not! We already know that more tax cuts for the wealthy does not lead to job creation. So what specifically will you do, that President Obama and the Democratic Congress have not already done, to create jobs and raise the country's standard of living? Will you involve us in a costly new war? Is THAT your plan? Do you REALLY have a new set of practical solutions to solve our many problems, or...




...will you just be feeding us your same old _ _ _ _ ?




I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.

PARROTS FOR THE PLUTOCRACY

"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations, which dare already to challenge our government to a trial of strength and bid defiance to the laws of our country."
- Thomas Jefferson, Founding Father and former President -



"We are not a democracy. It's a terrible misunderstanding and a slander to the idea of a democracy to call us that. We are a PLUTOCRACY: a government by the wealthy."
-Ramsay Clark, former Attorney General under President Lyndon B. Johnson -


I'm not a hard guy to get along with. Yes, I bash conservatives and Republicans pretty harshly here at times in this blog, but by and large, I'm quite easygoing and good-natured. Good-hearted, too. Generally, I also have a fair amount of patience with most things. But two things really try that patience: mechanical objects that don't work properly, and electronics with intermittent short curcuits that are tough to pin down. Those types of things have been known to make me erupt and use language which would cause even Rush Limbaugh to blush. But the third thing which really makes my part-Irish blood boil is plutocrats, and those who stupidly aid and abet them. The latter, of course, are economic and social conservatives, and are usually (but not always) Republicans. And oh yes---ignorant, ill-informed people, and certain media talking heads also fall into that category of plutocrat-enablers, too .

I am not against wealth. I have the highest regard and admiration for those who go from rags to riches, and who do so honestly, without exploiting others in the process. But unfortunately, that is not how many at the very top of the income scale came to be perched there, or maintain their presence there. What I AM against is the way the wealthy (the plutocracy) have set things up so as to ensure they nearly always come out on top, most often at the expense of those far beneath them on the income scale, and how they have repeatedly used their wealth to effectively buy out our government for their own benefit. Thankfully, it is not impossible to become wealthy in this country. That is one of the wonderful things about the United States. But the wealthy have rigged the system heavily in their favor.


A number of people support conservatives and Republicans on the issue of taxes, and mistakenly believe that the GOP is more adept at running our economy. They believe that Republicans will hold the line on government spending and will cut their taxes; effectively being the best possible stewards of the economy. This is naivete at its worst. During George W. Bush's administration, he and his rubber-stamp conservative Republican Congress increased spending at a gigantic rate, far more than had ever been previously done. For the first time in our entire history, these Republicans went to war while simultaneously cutting corporate and ultra-wealthy individuals' taxes. Everybody else got very little or nothing at all in real tax relief. The GOP even accelerated a plan to privatize a large segment of our military by offering select companies non-bid military supply contracts. Middle class and poor taxpayers footed the tax bill for nearly all of this, and will be doing so for many years to come unless the plutocracy is finally taxed much more heavily. The misconception that Republicans are somehow better for business is disproved by a Ned Davis Research study. The study shows that, since 1901, Standard and Poor's 500 stock index has risen on average 7.2% per year under Democratic administrations, but only 3.2% under Republican administrations. According to International Strategy and Investment, in more recnt years (1944-mid-2008), the S & P was up on average 10.7% per year under the Democrats, but only 8% per year under the Republicans. The conservatives and Republicans also pressed for and got a large amount of deregulation in the banking and mortgage industries. The net result? A ballooning of our trade and government deficits which are being underwritten by China and other countries. That's right, folks: tax breaks for the rich and a war in Iraq that didn't need to be fought have put us into huge debt with China and other potentially hostile countries. Another result? Reckless market speculation that caused the government to have to bail out those careless Wall Street bankers who caused their own failures in the first place! Again, middle class and poor taxpayers footed nearly all the tax bill. Deregulation and irresponsible market speculation also caused rampant gasoline and energy price rises in 2008 and the near-collapse of our mortgage and banking industries. Record post-World War II unemployment, too, and a massive shift of good-paying American jobs to cheap foreign labor markets overseas. And who benefitted from all this? Did your paychecks and buying power rise dramatically as a result of these actions? Absolutely not. The only real beneficiaries of these policies were wealthy bank and corporate CEOs, their boards, their mainly wealthy stockholders, and our vast and growing military/industrial complex. In other words, the only real benificiaries were plutocrats. Does this sound like good stewardship of the economy to you? Would you call this "government of, by, and for the people"? I certainly wouldn't! Remember, folks, the best friends of this plutocracy are conservative REPUBLICANS and compliant conservative Democrats. Best remember this as you head to the polls next November!

Some people support conservatives and Republicans under the misguided notion that the country is safer and less likely to suffer attack from outside under Republican rule. These folks are simply listening to all the Republican bluster and talking points. They are ignoring several important facts. One, 9/11 occurred under REPUBLICAN watch, not Democratic. On August 6, 2001, while on one of his many vacations in Crawford, TX, President Bush was briefed that an attack by Osama Bin Laden on our soil was in the works. This warning was not acted upon, and 5 weeks later came the 9/11 attacks. Two, the Republicans dropped the ball by not finishing the job in Afghanistan in the fall of 2002. Bin Laden was able to escape into the mountains of Pakistan and remains free to this day. Three, the Republicans, led by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, began a very prolonged and costly war in Iraq which did NOT need to be fought. In the process, they unnecessarily ran our deficit sky high and also infringed on our constitutional rights by suspending the writ of habeas corpus. Four, they violated international law and the Geneva Convention through the use of rendition and prisoner torture, acts which may have dire effects on the well-being of future captured American soldiers. These errant actions, strongly supported by Republicans, weakened, rather than strengthened, our country's security and standing in the world. Voting for conservatives and Republicans in 2010 and 2012 will be voting for more of these same costly and wasteful kinds of mistakes. Their support of the military/industrial complex jeopardizes our national as well as economic security. Is THIS what you consider to be a competent, safe, and practical way to handle our national security? Hardly.

Finally, some people support conservatives and Republicans on grounds that they view them to be a more morally sound and pro-religious party than any other. Some are even foolish enough to assert that God Himself is on the side of the Republican Party. The Republicans make all kinds of noise about being pro-life and anti-abortion, and say they promote strong "family values," but in practice these claims prove to be fraudulent, too. For during the Bush administration, when they had solid conservative majorities in both houses of Congress and a de facto conservative majority on the Supreme Court, they made NO effort to eradicate abortion. Instead, they USED it as a political tool to steal Catholic votes away from Democrats. They have also routinely opposed practical contraception methods which would drastically reduce the numbers of unweed teens becoming pregnant and then opting for abortion. Beyond that, look at the numbers of prominent Republicans who have admitted to, or were alleged to have had, illicit sexual affairs over the past three or four years alone: Sen. David Vitter (LA), Sen. John Ensign (NV), former Sen. Larry Craig (ID), former Rep. Mark Foley (FL), and Gov. Mark Sanford (SC). Not a very clean slate for the supposed party of morality and religious purity. So when it comes to moral values, just as in the areas of the economy and national defense, the conservative Republicans love to talk the talk, but often fail to walk the walk. Don't buy their nonsense this November.

Ramsay Clark hit the nail on the head. This is indeed a plutocracy rather than a democracy. Ever wonder why Wall Street got bailed out by taxpayers and not Main Street? Or why legislation beneficial to average, everyday citizens rarely gets passed anymore? Corporate lobbyists write much of the legislation for individual congresspersons. Ever wonder why the public seems so ill-informed at times? Or why our news is shallow, repetitive, and not very broad? Why we only seem to get PART of the story so often? Six major corporations own nearly all of our news media, and present and reinforce their corporate values and bias constantly. Ever wonder why banks lavish perks and freebies on large depositors, and why they penalize accounts with small balances each month? It's brcause banks favor the wealthy and discriminate against everyone else. Ever wonder why YOUR wages remain frozen or are reduced, while corporate CEOs receive huge annual bonuses and golden parachutes even if their companies perform poorly? It's plutocracy in action, folks. The deck in this country is stacked against the poor and working American because our government and business are run for and by the wealthy for the benefit of the rich. Everyone else is a mere accessory.

Remember when voting this fall, everybody: the overwhelming majority of conservatives and Republicans are PLUTOCRATS. They do not understand, care about, or even look after, your best interests. They aim for power so they can continue serving the wants of the few; the wealthy; and corporate America. THEIR friends are on Wall Street, not Main Street. Watch out for those non-wealthy types like Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty, and some of the Fox "News" and CNN talking heads and pundits, who consciously or unconsciously do the plutocrats' bidding by issuing false or shoddily researched public statements on their behalf. These people are PARROTS FOR THE PLUTOCRACY, and are not to be listened to, trusted, or followed! Instead, let us campaign for and elect true public servants who care about and really understand the needs of average people! This year, let's nominate and elect more Bernie Sanderses, Dennis Kuciniches, Russ Feingolds, Ron Wydens, and Barbara Boxers to Congress, and dump plutocrats and enablers like Michele Bachmann, Virginia Foxx, and John Ensign! Let's dump plutocrats, their parrots, and their enablers once and for all!


BELOW: Your typical corporatist, conservative Republican we need to divest ourselves of.

"AWWWKKK! MORE FOR THE RICH! MORE FOR THE RICH! AWWWKKK!"

"AWWWKKK! POLLY WANT A TAX CUT! POLLY WANT A WAR! AWWWKKK!"

SANTA'S BOZOS FOR 2009

Poor Santa---he's had a really tough year. It doesn't look like there'll be a lot of ho-ho-hoing in store THIS Christmas! First, he found that a conservative free trade agreement had transferred some of his plant and half of his elves over to China, but the production quota for his North Pole plant had remained the same, so now he had to do more with less. Next, he learned that the big Wall Street bank he had always dealt with wasn't lending him any money this year, which further squeezed him. Then, when he started reviewing this year's prospects for his Bozo Of The Year award (clowns whose outrageous statements or acts are deserving of universal guffaws and ridicule), he was amazed and almost totally overcome. For there was SO much dishonesty and SO much stupidity pouring out of these candidates, it was nearly impossible for him to decide which one deserved the Grand Prize. Just like last year, when disgraced egomaniac and former Democratic Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich won the award, this season there also seemed to be a bumper crop of Bozos. After a great deal of sweat, anxiety, and deep consideration, Santa finally decided to list the group for 2009 in this fasion:


DISHONORABLE MENTION: Several candidates just irritated Santa and wasted his time by having little or no real value to offer the world. Among these were the big Wall Street Bankers (who drove our economy to the edge of a cliff, were bailed out by all of us, then gave themselves huge bonuses but wouldn't even give Santa a loan [Santa knows they're hopeless cases anyway]); Democratic Senators Max Baucus (MT), who has attempted to water down and delay passage of a meaningful health care reform bill and also tried to get President Obama to appoint his live-in girlfriend as a U.S. Attorney (DEFINITE Bozo moves); Ben Nelson (NE), who has done all he can to delay passage of a health care bill; Evan Bayh (IN), whose wife sits on the board of health insurance giant WellPoint, and who, amazingly enough, opposes a public option on health care reform; and "Independent" Joe LIEberman (Aetna) who represents the health insurance giant Aetna but resides officially in Connecticut and caucuses with the Democrats (on everything BUT defense and health care) mainly so he can have a committee chairmanship. Santa is so bugged by these Bozos he isn't even adding them to his list, and will simply drop stink bombs down their chimneys this year.

Santa had no trouble putting THIS Bozo, Rush Limbaugh, on his list for 2009. In fact, he's gotten so used to seeing and hearing Limbaugh's crazy rants, he almost overlooked him! Ol' blabberbreath Limbaugh spoke at a gathering of conservatives during the summer and showed he doesn't know the Declaration of Independence from the Constitution. Even before that, he stated on his radio show that he wanted President Obama to fail. Now THAT'S patriotism! He also compared NFL players to black gang members, and then attempted to become part owner of the NFL's St. Louis Rams franchise. So here he is again, an undeniable and recurrent Bozo! Santa's gift to Limbaugh this year will be a daily Ex-Lax milkshake, because he knows ol' Rushie boy is FULL of it, and he definitely wants to see him cleaned out good!

Santa didn't hesitate too long to add money-hungry and AAD (Attention-Addiction-Disorder) Bozo Sarah Palin to this year's list, just as he had no trouble doing so last year. Her motor mouth is still running in overdrive, and judging from passages he has seen in, and from reactions others have had to, her newly released, ghostwritten coloring - er - comic - er - "tell all" book, it should soon be headed straight for the fiction shelves, if not the trash can. And some believe this person is qualified to be PRESIDENT? A woman who can't even write her own book? (Oh well---Dubya never wrote one either. Now THAT'S a scary thought)! For her present this year, Santa is giving Palin a long overdue reading tutor, as it appears that is something she has never had. It also explains why she, supposedly a journalism major, couldn't write her own book, and knows next to nothing about practically anything, as numerous interviews have proven. Good for Santa---he has a lot more patience with self-obsessed people like her than I do!

This sourpuss Bozo is Liz Cheney, daughter of the former Vice President, and who is as equally paranoid and irrational as her dad. Like father, like daughter, as they say. All she can do is parrot her papa, tell crazy stories, and constantly criticize the President. This purveyor of paranoia doesn't have a sweet bone in her body, so Santa and the elves have begun to call her "Lime." Santa's gift to her this year will be a big cookie loaded with alum, which he hopes will cause her mouth to pucker up so much that she won't be able to spout out any more nonsense for a long while.

Embittered and paranoid old coot Dick Cheney has earned a spot on Santa's list of Bozos for 2009 due to his arrogance, dishonesty, and sour disposition. This Bozo is SO sour, in fact, that Santa and the elves have taken to calling him "Lemon" to go along with his equally sour daughter "Lime." Cheney has been on a months-long diatribe about how President Obama is incorrectly handling all aspects of foreign policy and is projecting American weakness to her foes. But isn't that exactly what "Lemon" does himself when he constantly undercuts the President? By making foolish public pronouncements as he did only hours before a major Afghanistan war speech President Obama gave this past week, didn't "Lemon" attempt to politically weaken the President and therefore fuel Al Qaeda's flames? Santa was SO displeased at this action taken by "Lemon" that his gift to Cheney this year will be a box of chocolates and a muzzle: the candy to sweeten him up, and the muzzle to SHUT him up!

This Bozo, Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio, is as phony as his sprayed-on tan and faked outrage over the President's economic Stimulus Package. His sole agenda is to oppose and discredit the President on EVERYTHING, no matter what repercussions it has for the country. Last spring, he loudly claimed to have a new GOP Stimulus Bill in hand, but the book he was waving for the cameras was BLANK, and the plan he eventually produced contained only generalities, more tax cuts for the rich, and no expenditure figures. He also claimed to have a GOP health care reform plan but never produced one. He stated that people across the country strongly oppose a Public Option for health care, when in fact all national polls have consistently shown strong SUPPORT for it. He chided the President for flying overseas to try to obtain a summer Olympics for the U.S. and the city of Chicago (a move which would have netted that city many jobs and the city AND our country many MILLIONS OF DOLLARS). Then it was revealed that Boehner had attended numerous golf junkets over the past year totaling more than $82,000, which were paid for with leftover campaign funds. This, of course, created NO jobs and netted very little benefit for anybody but Boehner. This would seem to qualify as a whopping, bona-fide Boehner boner, wouldn't it? Folks, this guy is about as real as the tooth fairy. Santa's present to him this year will be a lie detector kit, which he hopes Boehner will use on HIMSELF every day!

Now's here's a genuine, 100% Bozo: soon-to-be FORMER South Carolina Republican Governor Mark Sanford. This arrogant clown thought he could leave the country for a hot little affair with an Argentine national and be gone for days at a time without telling anybody, and without checking in with his aides and associates, so he was unable to be reached in the event of a state emergency. To top it off, it appears that state funds may have been used in some of these trysts! An aide tried to cover up for him during his absence by saying that the Governor was out "hiking the old Appalachian trail", but nobody bought that. Santa's present for him this year will be the gift of impeachment. Nice job, Bozo Sanford.

Minnesota Republican 6th District Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, a PERENNIAL Bozo, easily made it on Santa's Bozo list again this year by once more babbling nonstop insanities. Early in the year she wailed that the President was trying to do away with rich people. Next,she exhorted Minnesotans to take up arms in rebellion against President Obama's proposed tax hikes on the wealthy, and to come to the Capitol for a big protest against federal spending. For her active calls for insurrection, and to help curb the torrents of vile stuff constantly pouring from her mouth, Santa's gift to Rep. Bachmann this year will be a case - no - a truckload - of Immodium AD.

Second runner-up for this year's Bozo is Republican Illinois Representative Mark Kirk. This Bozo, at the height of our economic problems earlier this year, when we needed to borrow billions to help invigorate the sick economy Kirk and his conservative Republican cohorts had helped stall, went to China and told high-ranking Chinese government officials, the largest holders of our national debt and our biggest lenders, that he didn't think we'd ever be in a position to pay down our debt to them and that we were bad risks anyway. Santa could hardly believe his eyes and ears, so now next time Rep. Kirk shows up at a bank for an auto loan or home mortgage, Santa has pledged to be there to let the loan officers know that Kirk is both a Bozo AND a deadbeat!

This year's runner up for Bozo Of The year is Fox News's one and only Glenn Beck. Having found a way to offend nearly EVERYBODY this past year with his insane accusations, outright lies, and manufacturing of wingnut anti-government revolts, Beck became the only TV show host in the history of the medium to lose more than 80 sponsors for making the blantantly racist claim that President Obama is himself a racist who "hates white culture." This, of course, makes Beck not only an outright idiot, but a definite Bozo as well.


THAT'S IT FOR THE LOSERS, FOLKS. NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, HERE HE IS---SANTA'S NO. 1 BOZO AND THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER OF THE BOZO OF THE YEAR AWARD FOR 2009:
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RICHARD HEENE! This clown, in an effort to land his own TV reality show, planned and executed an elaborately-faked scheme to make the world think his young son "Falcon" was trapped in a hot air balloon that broke loose from its moorings and was floating away. He knew, of course, that the boy was perfectly safe and at home asleep in the attic. (FALCON? And the other son named RYO? Is Heene trying to outdo the Palins for weird kid names? These names PROVE he's a Bozo)! The overly ambitious Heene had even composed and recorded a theme song for his hoped-for show in advance! But worst of all, he put on big crocodile tears for the media after he had supposedly "found" the boy safe at home, and had previously even coached the boy to puke at will out of feigned nervousness for the cameras over the "ordeal". The guy sure gave it a lot of thought and went to a lot of advance preparation for this grandiose fraudulent scheme! But he never considered the tax dollars he was wasting by tying up police, fire, and rescue workers in a search for a boy who wasn't in a balloon and wasn't lost in the first place. So, deservedly, instead of landing a TV show contract for his little attention-getting prank, all he crash-landed was a jail sentence. Now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a REAL Bozo, and that makes him Santa's Grand Prize winner of Bozo Of The Year for 2009. His reward? Santa will stop by his jail cell on Christmas Eve and leave him a stale, dried-out, garlic-drenched buscuit for having wasted everybody's time and money!


That does it for this year's award, folks. After dropping presents off at YOUR house on Christmas Eve, Santa and his reindeer will head back up to the North Pole to begin the arduous task of making next year's batch of presents, and reviewing the next group of Bozos for his 2010 award. Sigh...the tasks just never seem to end. Hopefully, by next year, the banks will be lending again to small businessmen like Santa, and he'll be able to hire a few new elves. Until then,

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, PEACE, and Happy New Year, everybody!