A TALE OF TWO DICTIONARIES

Welcome to the English language! This is a wondrous place where words can have many different meanings or interpretations. It seems that Democrats and Republicans don't see eye to eye on nearly everything these days. Each has such a widely differing perspective on the world it seems almost as if each was IN a different world! I thought it might be fun to explore these different perspectives in a unique and original way. I therefore now present you with two books: a Democratic Dictionary and a Republican dictionary. A series of words are presented below. Under each word, D:= the Democratic definition of that word, and R:= the Republican definition. For each word, see which response most closely portrays YOUR world view! As you do this, you may even experience a chuckle or two...

abortion
D: 1 early termination of a pregnancy 2 an act, protected by law, undertaken as a matter of a woman's choice
R: 1 murder of a fetus 2 an act of supreme irresponsibility legalised by an activist Supreme Court

activist
D: 1 a doctrine or practice that emphasizes direct, vigorous action especially in support or opposition to one side of a controversial issue 2 one who takes action on behalf of a minority or the downtrodden
R: 1 one who favors the lazy 2 an undesirable characteristic of a Circuit Court Judge or Supreme Court Justice

big government
D: 1 a government with many departments or agencies working on behalf of the people 2 a bad thing when Republicans run it
R: 1 an oversized, costly, inefficient, meddlesome body of oppression 2 a perfect body when controlled by conservatives

bipatisan
D: 1 referring to, or involving, two parties 2 involving cooperation, agreement, or compromise between two political parties
R: 1 referring to, or involving, two parties 2 an act performed by one political party with as few as one member of another political party going along with it

conservative
D: 1 tending or disposed to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions 2 one who favors government regulation of social actions 3 one who favors government aid to business but not individuals 4 one who favors his country's domination of the world 5 a cheapskate 6 a wing nut
R: 1 a red-blooded American who follows the principles of Ronald Reagan 2 a hard worker who opposes government aid to those who won't work 3 one who believes in a strong national defense 4 one who believes in Christian family values 5 a thrifty person who doesn't believe in the unnecessary spending of money

corporation
D: 1 a classification of privately or publicly held business created by state charter, with elected officers, which is given specific taxation and bankruptcy protections 2 a greedy, malignant, profit-at-all-costs form of business which typically exploits workers, takes unfair tax advantages, and cheats the public, for the benefit of its own stockholders and board of directors
R: 1 a business refuge, and form of protection, from excessive taxation 2 a model way of structuring a business which affords insulation and protection from all outsiders 3 an organization geared to producing massive profit for its board of directors and shareholders 4 a shining example of "the American Way"

Democrat
D: 1 a member of the Democratic Party, the oldest existing political party in the world 2 a person who believes in the political and social equality of all people
R: 1 a member of the Democrat Socialist Party 2 a liberal 3 a bleeding heart who believes in throwing money at problems 4 a politician who favors taxation, and is weak on defense and therefore endangers our national security

extremist
D: one who holds unusual, twisted, or threatening ideas, or engages in such actions
R: 1 anyone who disagrees with conservatism 2 any Democrat Socialist

fact
D: 1 an undeniable truth 2 something which can be supported by solid, tangible, empirical evidence
R: 1 something which is always open to an alternate explanation 2 something which can be altered for own's own benefit 3 something to be ignored

Fascism
D: 1 a system of government led by a dictator with complete power which uses the state to reward business and military with large contracts 2 the antithesis of socialism
R: 1 anything President Obama or any other Democrat does 2 socialism

free trade
D: unlimited trade between countries free from government restriction or duties 2 a form of trade developed to exploit cheap foreign labor, escape environmental or safety regulations, to destroy labor unions, and to overcome the power of government to regulate business 3 a form of trade which enriches huge multinational corporations at the expense of labor in all countries involved
R: 1 pure, laissez-faire capitalism as capitalism should be ideally practiced 2 a form of trade devised to maximize profits to the fullest extent

illegal immigrant
D: 1 a person who has entered another country without proper papers or who has snuck across a border undetected 2 an alien fleeing oppressive conditions or poverty in their own country
R: 1 a stranger from a strange land to be very wary of 2 a desirable source of very cheap labor 3 a person who can help an employer break the backs of pesky, expensive labor unions 4 one who will do jobs Americans won't do 5 an employee you pay in cash and hide from the government

Liberal
D: 1 one who favors progress or reform in matters of the economy, politics, or religion 2 favorable to, or in accord with, maximum amounts of individual freedom, civil liberties, and equality protected by law 3 one who believes the government has a duty to protect the people as a whole from the excesses of concentrated capital 4 generous
R: 1 a weak person who hates America, does not have Christian values, wants to tax you heavily, and will take your guns away from you 2 a Democrat Socialist 3 wasteful with money

Medicare
D: a humane U.S. government program of hospitalization insurance and voluntary medical insurance for the elderly and certain disabled persons
R: a costly bleeding heart Democrat program of socialized medicine

patriot
D: 1 a person who loves and supports his or her country with strong devotion 2 a person who defends his or her country from those who wish to attack or limit the legal or social freedom of others
R: 1 a person who loves and supports his or her country with strong devotion 2 a person who supports limiting individual freedoms during wartime 3 a person who enthusiastically supports or fights for anything a conservative Republican President wants, says, or does

preemptive war
D: 1 an illegal military strike against another country to prevent a perceived military strile by that country 2 an aggressive act of war undertaken by an unstable, paranoid government against another sovereign country
R: 1 a wholly justified military strike against another country to prevent a certain military strike by that country 2 a preventive military strike against another country justified by false propaganda and then lied about ever after

President
D: the elected, titular leader of the country who serves as commander in chief of the military and head of the executive branch of government
R: the leader of the country, who can do anything he or she wishes without question or oversight, and must be supported by all if he or she is a conservative Republican, but if he or she is a Democrat, must be opposed and questioned unendingly on everything

Republican
D: 1 a member of a rapidly shrinking, ever more exclusive, ever more extreme, ever more intolerant, ever less relevant political party who supports reactionary social and economic values 2 one who supports strong government regulation of social behavior 3 one who favors big business and the wealthy over all else, and who who cares nothing about the poor or anything else 4 a paranoid who constantly sees threats to his or her country all around him or her 5 an advocate of military action whenever possible
R: 1 a member of the most righteous and morally responsible political party of all time 2 a true Christian 3 a supporter of business who hates government regulation and taxes 4 one who is suspucious of foreigners and supports a strong military to keep the rest of the world in line

Social Security
D: 1 a government system to provide a guaranteed supplemental income for all citizens who are retired or disabled 2 a safety net to provide economic security for old age or those with disabilities
R: 1 a pension plan forced on you by the government 2 a way for the government to take money from you without your approval

spin
D: untrue, distorted or exaggerated statements made to bolster or protect an argument, position, or political figure
R: any fact or statement spoken by a Democrat

eaxation
D: 1 a system devised to pay for the costs of providing government 2 the dues people pay for belonging to a civilized society
R: 1 theft from the individual by government 2 a fine imposed on those who produce profit or wealth 3 a fee to avoid paying at all costs

teamwork
D: the act of individuals working together to realize a common goal or accomplishment
R: when a Democrat cooperates with you to give you what you want

terrorist
D: 1 one who uses acts of terror to gain attention or coerce for a cause 2 a member of a radical Islamist sect dedicated to the destruction of western culture
R: 1 all Muslims 2 anyone who opposes or takes up arms against any American military venture

torture
D: 1 to punish or coerce by inflicting tremendous psychological or excruciating physical pain 2 an illegal act of coercion including, but not limited to, waterboarding, sensory deprivation, or severe physical pain 3 a war crime
R: 1 an act undertaken to obtain intelligence for national security 2 an act that is legal if ordered by a conservative Republican President or Vice President 3 not an act of waterboarding, no matter what anybody says

welfare
D: financial or other aid provided to people in need
R: 1 tax money undeservedly given to lazy people who won't work 2 improper income redistribution 3 a desirable and recommended form of government financial support given to large corporations


Confused? So was I, until I remembered that most of what Republicans have been saying the past ten to fifteen years has not been in English, or necessarily true, and that most of their current political thought is irrational nonsense. Revealing and interesting, isn't this?